THEY ASSUME THEY’RE HELPING

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Dear Ms. Tessie,

My friend has just told me that she is pregnant again, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. I’m so happy for her, I really am, but I’ve had problems with having a baby of my own. We’ve been trying for a long time, and it’s just not working for us, so I’m still not a mom. People tell me all the time that it’ll happen if I just relax, that we must be timing it wrong, and all kinds of crazy wife’s tales that just aren’t true. It’s all wearing on me, and I’m sad, and now I’m jealous, and I’m just frustrated, and I don’t know what to do.

Stephanie

My Dear Stephanie,

I must begin by reminding you of two things. One, it is entirely possible to be happy for someone, but also be sad for yourself at the same time. It would be the same if you had both bought lottery tickets and your friend won, but you did not. You would be happy for your friend, but also quietly be wishing you had snuck a trade on those tickets, maybe even be a bit bitter about the order you got in line to buy them. Two, we may not always be aware of the struggles of others, so remember that your friend may also have been struggling. Or maybe she has other troubles, and this pregnancy is the miracle she has been needing. Either way, your struggle is not invalidated just because your friend got pregnant, or because you can find space in your heart to be happy for her.

Also, people say some of the most foolish things to a woman that can’t get pregnant. First, they assume it’s any of their business at all. They assume they’re helping, but a woman who finds herself unable to be pregnant is often burdened with a special kind of sadness, and what folks are really doing is just offering extra torture for her. I’m sure you’ll hear that if you hop twice on your right foot, spin around counterclockwise, and then walk on your hands for exactly 67.357 feet on Tahitian granite it’ll be the thing that finally gets you pregnant. But I think the truth is, God knows where he puts babies, and for whatever reason, it’s not your time. It doesn’t make you any less of a woman or mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means that you must remain hopeful and patient until your time comes. And don’t be afraid to visit with your doctor about it not happening, they’ve got a lot of tricks up their sleeves these days!

Tessie

Ms. Tessie,

“It’s the holiday season,” they say. “Joy to the world,” they say. “Have a holly jolly,” they say. I don’t feel joy, jolly, or care that it’s the holiday season. This year has been garbage, and everything is different, and I just am not feeling it. Jingle all the way to the couch, I can’t even go out shopping. Why would anyone want to lie to themselves about it still being a magical, wonderful time? Usually, I love the holidays, but having them this 2020 way is just no fun.

2020 Grinch

Well… Season’s Greetings to you, too, Grinch.

While it’s true that our world is a very different place than it was last year, it’s not true that the magic is gone. We’re all tired of hearing that we have to just be flexible, but that’s the case. We have to be flexible. We have to make the best of the hand we’ve been dealt.

Magic is what you make of it, anyhow, and if your attitude is stuck in the gutter, your Christmas lights will probably short out.

Do yourself some favors… decorate your house. Find something that makes you smile every time you look at it, and buy that something, and put it up in your house where you see it every time you move around. Eat some Christmas themed treats. Find a place to donate your money, time, or items to those who are less fortunate than yourself and spread joy around like butter.          Maybe life has given us some lemons lately, but lemons are an important ingredient in a hot toddy, and hot toddies are great for a sore throat! Happy Holidays!

Tessie