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A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE
Thou art without question familiar with the creatures that are known as the rapidly moving one, the one that gyrates to rhythmic sounds, the one that is light-footed, and the one that is not unlike a she-fox; the one that is likened unto a brightly shooting light in the heavens and the one that is the harbinger of amorous vices; and those that are known by the thunder and lightning of the angered skies.
But art thou acquainted, nay, dost thou have recollection of, that arctic hoofed quadruped that is widely renowned and of great popularity?
For there was at time one that was called Rudolf the Arctic hoofed quadruped who was in possession of a most luminescent proboscis.
Shouldst thou perchance encounter such a creature and witness the luminescence of said olfactory organ, thou wouldst speak with surprised tone and express thine awe at its luminosity, saying henceforth that such light emitting from that proboscis was verily incandescent.
Other Arctic hoofed quadrupeds who were living in that place were ribald and wont to employ offensive monikers in their address of the one possessed of the luminescent proboscis. They did not give their permission for that one, who was also of meager means, to partake with them in activities of a leisurely or entertaining nature.
And so it came to pass that on a night that was deeply shrouded in a thick, obscuring mist and that was also on the evening before the Christmastide, that the man who is portly and garbed in red came unto that place and spake.
And sayeth he that the one with the luminescent proboscis were to be a chosen one.
“Rudolf,” quoth he that was garbed in red, “with such illumination from thine proboscis, I hereby decree that thou are to be shackled and bound to the forwardmost portion of my Arctic chariot that is without wheels and that thou shouldst serve on this night as a guide and thus employ thine luminescence.”
Such was the service rendered by the one with the light as his principal feature that the remainder of the Arctic quadrupeds who had likewise been bound to the chariot did become enamored of him and did call out in their joy.
“Rudolf the Arctic hoofed quadruped with the luminescent proboscis,” quoth they that were shackled, “thou shalt be remembered for such service and thine story shall be told henceforth at Christmastide.”