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Don’t let a bad apple ruin the whole bunch

Dear Tessie,

Am I wrong for banning my husband from coming with me on trips to my sister’s home? Hear me out…he doesn’t see eye to eye with her or her partner, and he can’t help but cause a debate or disagreement every time we go to her house. They cook for us, open their home, and intend for us to have a good time, but he almost can’t help but make the nights end in some painfully awkward way.



Dear B.K.,

If a person cannot behave themselves, you have every right to refuse to have them along. Maybe you and your sister are close, and have a solid enough relationship that such a thing won’t affect you, but even strong family bonds can be jeopardized by the other folks around us.

By your husband coming along and creating mischief each time, he is deliberately undermining your sister, her home, and likely yourself. All this can accomplish is he or both of you being requested to grace everyone with your non-presence going forward.

Don’t let a bad apple ruin the whole bunch. He can behave or your husband can stay home.




Dear Tessie,

Is it too much to expect my husband to pitch in around the house? We keep arguing over this, he thinks that because he takes out the trash he’s contributing plenty, while I have to keep the rest of the house clean, the kids and our finances organized…so many things. What happened to teamwork?



Dear A.M.,

Teamwork really can make the dream work. And show boaters often create troubles. If two people live in a home and work outside of a home, those two people should probably share the responsibilities of a home.

Time and time again I hear these stories about folks that feel as if they shouldn’t have to contribute the same amount of time and effort, but also feel as if their surroundings should be clean and tidy.

Start by reminding your partner what a partner is, and how that relationship works. Partners put in equal efforts. See what happens next.