Tessie’s Two Cents

PROTECTED CONTENT

If you’re a current subscriber, log in below. If you would like to subscribe, please click the subscribe tab above.

Username

Password

Login

Lost your password?

Username and Password Help

Please enter your email and we will send your username and password to you.

Email

Submit

← Back

 Evaluate what the future might look like

Dear Tessie,

I’ve figured out that a very important person in my life lies to me a lot. At first I thought it was about not making me feel bad, or maybe about just things that he was uncomfortable about. Now I really wonder if he knows how to be honest and truthful. The more I have questioned and paid attention, the more I’m seeing that he doesn’t tell me the truth about almost anything. I don’t know how to feel, but I know I feel like I can’t trust him anymore. What do I do?

S.B.

 

Dear S.B.,

Trust is a very important part of our personal relationships. Relationships that do not have trust in them tend to be extremely taxing and stressful. And who likes a relationship that makes you feel worse instead of better? Who likes feeling stressed or completely drained?

Some relationships wind up being a necessary evil, though I hate putting it that way. Your family will always be your family, whether you like them, or not… or even if you cut off communication with them. It’s not always feasible to quit a job with a toxic coworker, and you can’t always choose who you live near. In cases like those, your best bet is to remove yourself as much as possible, and limit your interactions.

Some relationships must simply dissolve. If a person in your life can be removed, and should be because they are not healthy for you, then so be it.

And then there exists some relationships that are in between. Those that must evolve drastically, because their current state is not healthy, but you can’t simply remove them. Go into the interactions with these people knowing you are up against someone that you can’t depend on, and create boundaries, so that you simply know to insulate yourself when you must deal with them.

A person does not deserve to make you feel bad. You are not simply obligated to continue your life as it has been if a relationship has become detrimental to you.

Evaluate what the future might look like. Can this person earn your trust back? Or do you feel like you need to make this one of those relationships that dissolves or drastically revolves? Don’t let your answer be about anything other than what keeps you healthy… and do whatever that is.

Love,

Tessie