Tessie’s Two Cents

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JUST IN CASE

Dear Tessie,

I’m getting older. I can admit that, I’m not afraid to admit it. I don’t get around like I used to, and I don’t have quite as sharp a memory as I once did. But I am by no means unable to take care of myself. That doesn’t stop my kids from pestering me about moving in with them or about “when” I need to stop living independently. I just don’t think that’s something they need to worry about. Am I being stubborn and unreasonable?

Sincerely,

Not So Granny

 

Dear friend,

Getting older is a part of life. The only way to avoid it is to quit aging… and the only way to do that is to check on out for eternity, and I don’t believe that’s what you’re looking for. So then what we need to think about is long term, the future, where you’re headed.

My memory also isn’t what it once was, but that doesn’t mean I’m failing. I have to reach for handrails more often, but that just means I’m smart enough to know I’d rather not fall.

The smart thing for folks to do in any situation is to plan for the future, and have plans for “just in case”. You don’t drive off into the sunset on low fuel, you don’t leave on vacation with no money, you don’t live in tornado alley and not have a storm plan. These aren’t things meant to be insulting to our abilities, they are just common sense. Like it or not, we shouldn’t let ourselves age too much without making some plans and having ideas for any “just in case”.

Do you need to pick out and put down a deposit for your future nursing home already? Well, I can’t say for sure, but I doubt that. Is it worth having an idea of where you’d like to live and how you’d like to manage your own care? Certainly, it is.

There is a line between being forced into “care” that is unnecessary and being prepared for what will come down the line. You might be a bit stubborn, but most folks are. Have an open but firm conversation with your kids about what you want, how you feel, and the ideas you have. Let them express what they are feeling but make them tell you why as well. Maybe they’re the ones being unreasonable, because they’re feeling overly anxious.

Take time to discuss the different types of options available in different situations. Take the time to express to each other when changes might need to happen. The only stubborn and unreasonable person in any situation is the one who refuses to communicate and be open to compromise. Don’t be that person.

Love,

Tessie