Tessie’s Two Cents

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Everyone can’t win

Dear Tessie,

Leading up to my youngest child’s birthday last month, my partner would not stop obsessing about whether enough people were going to make it to the party. Just kept bringing it up, mentioning or asking for new ideas of people to invite… not because my son was complaining that people weren’t coming, but just because my partner felt like it wasn’t going to be big enough. In the end, 5 or 6 kids showed up, my kid had a good time, and had no complaints. Yet my partner keeps questioning it, like somehow we didn’t do something right. I’ve said time and time again that if our child is happy, we really don’t need to worry about it, but that’s not good enough for my partner. What on earth am I supposed to do here?

Sincerely, The Much More Chill Parent

 

Dear Chill Parent,

I don’t personally think there’s anything you are supposed to do here… the party was had, the kid(s) had fun, and the party is over. Case closed. Even if your child was saddened by the turnout of their own party, that’s just a part of life sometimes.

What we might ought to concentrate on is figuring out why your partner is concentrating on this situation like they are. Worrying about consoling a child that could potentially be upset is perfectly logical. But worrying about how to pull in more people so as to prevent upset… this speaks to a troubling habit.

You can’t try to keep your kids from ever having to deal with or go through disappointment. First of all, it isn’t possible. Secondly, it’s a part of growing up… being disappointed once in a while, and learning how to deal with it. Everyone can’t win, everyone can’t be #1, and everyone doesn’t always get the position.

In addition, a child who got everything they asked for will still be able to find something else to want. It’s a part of the nature of growing.

Maybe ask your partner this: We want to teach our children quality over quantity, don’t we? Don’t we want for our children to have a few best friends they can count on over 20 friends that don’t care all that much about each other?

If the answer is more friends instead of better friends… I think it’s time for more talks.

Love,

Tessie