Tessie’s Two Cents

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LET IT HEAL AND LET IT GO

Dear Tessie,

I’m dealing with some serious grief… and I don’t know how to get past it. I don’t even know if it’s grief anymore. And I guess the fact that I don’t understand it isn’t helping either. I don’t even know what I’m asking… just… help me understand this?

F.W.

 

Dear friend,

Grief is a lot of things. Grief is difficult and messy. There is a grieving process, but that process does not move on a linear or predictable path. It is isolating, frustrating, and devastating. Folks tend to assume that their own grief is similar to the next person’s, but it’s not. Some folks feel deeper than others, some folks don’t seem to feel at all. And if you want a timeline on grief, you might as well be wanting to find the needle in a haystack. With all the double backs and circles grief can run… it’s impossible.

Grief also isn’t only related to deaths. You’ll grieve decisions. You will grieve friendships as well as romantic relationships, and the futures you thought they had. Folks’ll grieve material items and abstract thoughts.

I’ve heard it said that grief is really just love. Love with no place to go. Some folks say grief doesn’t ever actually end, either. It just changes. It molds and morphs to a different shape and squeezes itself into a smaller part of your heart, but it’s still there.

Grief is a part of loss, and loss is a part of life. Grief isn’t anything to be ashamed of. It really is just what it is. You can’t rush through it or give it a schedule. You can’t turn it on and off, so much as push and pull it to the sides until you can’t hold it in. It comes in waves, like the ocean… some larger, some smaller. Sometimes raging in a storm, and other times calmly lapping at the surf without hardly making a sound.

Ultimately, I don’t believe you can understand grief. Your own, or the grief of anyone around you. Grief is one of the most intense, but also one of the most personal feelings human beings are subject to.

So my advice to you today is something else that I’ve read before. Some things that really struck my heart:

Let it hurt, let it bleed, let it heal, and let it go. Don’t quit. Keep healing. It doesn’t have to be gracefully done; it probably won’t be pretty. But you just have to keep going.

Love,

Tessie