Shower Thoughts with Shelly

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Communication is key

“I just don’t think he quite grasps how hurt I am when he does this stuff. He wants to prove himself right, but then the next thing he does to prove himself right only shows that he was never listening, that he had bad motives the last time we did this, and that he’s been trying to hurt me the whole time. It doesn’t make sense and it’s exhausting.”

What was described to me in the conversation I quoted above was a toxic person. Once the details started falling together, it was undeniable. Every new thing contradicted the last thing, but the next thing contradicted both. All I did was listen to the stories, and I was exhausted.

Confusion in a relationship… whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship… is just awful. Communication in relationships is key. If you can’t communicate honestly in a relationship, it’s damaging to each individual, as well as the relationship between you. Yet, so often, we don’t feel like we can be up front with our friends, family, or romantic partners. Why is that?

Worse, in my experience, is trying to navigate when a person in your life has set out to be manipulative toward you. Manipulation is everywhere, it’s true. Commercials and advertisements are designed to make you think you need something, even though you don’t. There’s a science behind design, layout, color schemes… oh it’s everywhere! But a line has to be drawn at some point. And large corporations trying to sell something to even larger quantities of people is a very different situation than a close personal friend or partner deliberately gaslighting and playing mind games.

I’ve been there. Trying to participate in the mental gymnastics of a person that makes you question reality… doing everything you can to make sense of what is happening because they’re telling you it’s wonderful, but it feels completely wrong. It takes a toll on you. There have been days that I physically did not do much of anything, but it feels like my brain hopped out of my head and competed in a triathlon while trying to solve the greatest mystery of all time. Mental exhaustion is real, and it can have an extremely negative effect on your day-to-day life.

Work toward honest and open communication. A person you feel you can’t trust being open with is a person who might not deserve a place in your life, or who needs to be limited in their access to your life.

Don’t allow toxicity into your life. If you must deal with toxicity, don’t let it influence you. You are so much stronger than you think, and I promise there is a light at the end of whatever that dark tunnel is that you’re trying to navigate.

The nitty-gritty of it is that sometimes people are just… bad. There are people that go through their daily lives searching for and seeking ways to advance their own, and they aren’t afraid to use those around them as a place to step. They feel no remorse for taking advantage of the people they see that they think can benefit them. Protect yourself. Don’t let someone hurt you, just to excuse them, and then let them hurt you again. That’s not love, friendship, or care. That’s toxicity, and you deserve better.