Shower Thoughts with Shelly

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Communication is key

My mother rarely bothers to answer my calls, but if I don’t call for three days she will guilt me about it like it’s been three years.

I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, and will sit there in silence for three hours, and he’ll even tell me he doesn’t want to talk, but if I try to go home he acts like I’ve totally betrayed him, but he still won’t talk to me.

It is never solely the responsibility of one person to uphold communications with anyone. It is not your responsibility to always be the first one to call, the one to check in, the one to try to fix a problem. As much as your family, friend, spouse, or any relationship might try to refuse to accept or even try to shift responsibility from themselves, each relationship is a two way street.

You are only responsible for doing your best with what you have. If your relationship with someone often leaves you feeling as if you don’t have one, you’ve got to seriously evaluate what is happening.

If you’re reaching out goes unanswered for several days, ask yourself — is she busy or am I just not a priority? If you often find yourself working to start or uphold conversations, but the other person shuts you down or refuses to participate, is he needing space, needing help, or is he just forcing a communication breakdown to make the situation impossible?

Remaining calm and consistent in communication is a necessity. Resorting to screaming is no help, nor is blocking communications. The results are the same: the breakdown is imminent and the situation delves into chaos.

Communicate as well as you can, but never let someone make you feel guilty for the ways in which you do your best. Never let someone pass failure and blame to you when they are preventing success.

Communication is a system, like a bridge. Cars pass in both directions. If you block the incoming lane, and the cars try to move around the barrier, it causes collisions, backups, and chaos. If you remove part of the bridge, cars will fall right through and be lost to the murky darkness underneath. Smart drivers will simply turn around, and take a safer path.

Keep your bridges clean and in good repair, and don’t force drivers into difficult situations. Eventually, after enough accidents and turned around vehicles, you’ll be left on the other side of that bridge alone, with a ton of cars you can’t send anywhere, because that bridge will be blocked off for everyone else’s safety.