Tessie’s Two Cents

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The message of love

Dear Tessie,

I just found out that an old friend of mine is very ill, and might not even make it, but is not accepting visitors. I’m devastated to hear about what’s happening and would give anything to just send my support. I understand not wanting visitors… but what’s the right way to just send the right sentiment here?

L.V.

 

Dear L.V.,

Facing mortality is one of those things that even the wisest of folks don’t have a lot of words for. Full of unknowns and burning questions that we’ll never really get answers to. Sure we some of us go to church and read the bible, or maybe just have our ideas. It’s just that we’ll never know for sure.

Likewise, each of us has our own experience, and it won’t be the same as the next person. So what you feel when considering your life and its end will be different than your friend. You might want to be surrounded by folks you care about, but your friend may be searching for peace in their faith or in their solitude.

Your friend’s situation will be specific and unique to them, and I would not like to make assumptions. If your friend is awake and alert, a heartfelt note or even a video message would be a nice gesture for cheering someone up, even if they didn’t want company. Sometimes it’s best to not have direct interaction, but it’s still good to know that you’re cared about.

It’s also possible that your friend is suffering and doesn’t have a lot of clarity, so maybe in that case the answer is more about sending a message that might comfort them, like their favorite music, or a plant they would like to look at.

A friendship still means something even when one part of it has been lost, and I wholeheartedly believe that our spirit is still able to see and understand even when our bodies have gotten tired. Don’t be afraid to remind your friends that they are loved, even if you aren’t able to get a response from them. It’s still important to always send that message to someone that they are loved.

Love,

Tessie